


Shame on Me

by ExceedinglyRegular (DrakeRamorayIII)



Series: Flashbacks and Echoes (Main Story) [2]
Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Adam's an asshole, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-06 05:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15879423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakeRamorayIII/pseuds/ExceedinglyRegular
Summary: Adam's not jealous. He and Andrew have been friends forever, he's not afraid that Steven's going to steal his best friend away... Okay, maybe just a little.or, five times Adam sabotages Andrew and Steven's friendship, and one time he helps it.





	1. No Apologies

# Chapter 1 - No Apologies

"I didn't invite you over to gawk," Andrew remarks dryly. He crosses his arms and gives Steven a stern look, but the younger man is unperturbed.

"Your books are all over the place," Steven says with one hand on his chin, looking to decipher the mystery that has unfold in front of him. He points to two books at two opposing corners. "These two are part of a series, but they're so far apart!"

"Your feedback has been noted." Andrew moves to open up another unlabeled box. His face scrunches as he digs through the contents. "Later..." he mutters quietly to himself.

Adam is done with the plates and moves on to unpacking the cutlery. He silently wonders if this amount of bubble wrap is necessary, seems a bit wasteful in his opinion. He skillfully glides the knife through the tape holding the packing together. Then he unfolds it and place the utensils in their newly christened home. One down, two to go.

"Steven! Where the hell are you bringing that?" Adam looks up to see Steven stopped in the middle of nowhere, holding a small side-table, a sheepish look on his face. He seem like he was heading towards the front door.

"I was gonna put this next to the door, y'know... So you have somewhere to put your keys when you come home." He makes another move towards the door, sheepish smile not fading. "It makes sense."

"Can't argue with that... but seriously you should at least ask." Andrew is shaking his head. His words sound harsh but his grin gives it all away. Steven puts the table in place and throws his arms out, giving a show of jazz hands.

"Ta-da..." Adam thinks he could do with a little more enthusiasm. Andrew rolls his eyes and Steven pouts. The awkwardness between the two is almost funny to watch. Steven has only recently moved to LA and joined the company, and he doesn't seem to know how to behave around Andrew... or respect his personal space. Guess he's still learning. Regardless, he knows better than to piss Andrew off. 

"Ooh! I got you something," Steven suddenly remembers. He skips over to his bag and fishes out a little package wrapped in brown paper and string. He holds it out with both hands, looking hopeful like a little kid trying to impress their parent. "A housewarming gift."

"Oh-kay, nice packaging. That's a good start." Andrew carefully picks up the gift and inspects the size and weight of it. Steven rocks back and forth, growing impatient as Andrew slowly unties and unwraps.

"A... mug?" Andrew holds it up and squints as if he doesn't understand it. Steven’s face falls for a split second before he regains his composure. Putting on his most enthusiastic voice, he tries to explain his gift.

"Yeah! It's cool-looking AND practical! What's the point of getting something you'll just leave to collect dust in a corner? Look, it even has a lid!" Steven points and grins awkwardly. The cogs in Andrew's brain are slowly turning, and Steven looks like he could just die on the spot.

"You could have at least gotten one with some sort of design on it," Andrew finally says. He rotates it in his hands, looking somewhat amused by the product.

"I-..."

"Thanks anyway, I'll be sure to use it." All Steven can do is nod. Adam shakes his head at this, Andrew can sometimes come of as a bit of an ass but Adam knows it's not intentional. "What did you get me, Adam?"

Oh shit. Caught up in all his work, Adam completely forgot to get anything. He thinks quickly, mentally going through the contents of his backpack. The only suitable thing is the whisky he bought this morning for his dinner party tonight. He shrugs in his mind, nobody is going to miss it anyway. Andrew will definitely like it but on the other hand, this will only serve to upset Steven further.

Adam bites his lip, he isn't usually the type to show people up. That being said, he still proceeds to pull out the expensive bottle of whiskey. Steven's jaw drops, and Andrew's eyes widen.

"Now this is more like it!" Andrew enthuses. He walks over to accept the bottle and holds it up to examine, looking like a proud father holding up his newborn child. Adam stifles a laugh. "Thanks, Adam."

Steven sulks at the display, no doubt silently stabbing Adam with knives in his mind. Adam surprises himself with how delighted he feels at the outcome. The guilt will come later, but in this moment...

"The difference that years of friendship makes," Adam can't help but point out smugly. He find Andrew smirking, and Steven, well... he looks downright miserable. This is where Adam would normally move to console whoever he upset, but somehow he doesn't want to right now. Andrew however appears to have noticed Steven's plummeting mood, and tries to joke.

"You can always try again the next time I move...?" He offers a reassuring smile, Steven half-heartedly smiles in return. Andrew seems satisfied with the response he got, but Adam can still see signs of distress in Steven's eyes. This train is heading south. Fast.

Adam isn't in the business of making enemies, and Steven isn't on his hit list. So Adam pulls his wits together to try and help his new colleague out.

"Hey, isn't it cool? I got you something to drink, and Steven's got you something to drink _out of_. It's like..." Adam trails off, unsure on how to finish his sentence. Luckily for him, Andrew does.

"...you're on the same wavelength? Kinda, yeah." Andrew chuckles at the thought of it, and it draws a shy smile out of Steven as well. When Andrew turns to stash away the bottle, Steven stealthily shoots Adam a grateful look. Adam only shakes his head in response, a grin on his face. Don't thank me yet, he thinks to himself.


	2. Creeping In

# Chapter 2 - Creeping In

Steven's a people-pleaser, Adam picked up on that very quickly. So it's not hard to guess what Steven is up to when he suddenly pulls Adam aside one day.

"Adam, Adam, Adam..." Steven rambles in a hushed voice. "I need your honest opinion on this." He looks around animatedly like a cartoon burglar. When he's certain that no one is watching, he pulls out a small opaque-black plastic bag out of his backpack. If Adam didn't know any better, he would think that Steven is offering him drugs or something.

Curious, Adam carefully unrolls the bag and takes a peek inside. It's a plain white baseball cap. What the hell. Adam groans internally, he knows where this is headed.

"You think Andrew will like it? I know he's a cap person, I always see him wearing one - I wonder why - but I haven't seen him with a white one, so I don't think it's a stretch to assume that he doesn't own... one..." Steven's run-on sentence slows to a halt.

There must be some level of annoyance showing on Adam's face, as Steven is looking more and more worried as the silence drags on. Steven opens and closes his mouths multiple times with aborted attempts to speak, he finally gets his bearings and the look on him is best summed up as 'tragically disappointed'.

"Yeah, you're right. It's stupid. I don't think he'll even want it. What was I thinking? There isn't even a design or pattern on this. Oh my god, he's gonna hate this."

Adam knows for a fact that Andrew will like it (or at least claim to, he's polite like that), but...

"You are a sucker for gifting plain, generic things, aren't you?" Adam jibes. Steven laughs a pained chuckle that Adam finds mildly amusing.

Why is Steven so obsessed with Andrew anyway? Can't he find someone else to befriend? The younger man starts pacing back and forth, and Adam is feeling a little dizzy just from watching.

"I just want to get him something good." Steven let's out a huge sigh, his shoulders slump with the sound.

"I don't know, maybe try something he can put around the house, like a houseplant or something." Adam suggest unthinkingly, he just wants Steven to get over this so he can get back to work.

He honestly did not expect Steven to take his words so seriously... or so literally.

The next day, as Adam steps into the office, he immediately spots Steven standing at Andrew's desk. He's attempting (and failing) to hide the little potted plant behind his back. Andrew hasn't come in yet, and Steven is fidgeting nervously with the hem of his shirt while he waits.

Adam rolls his eyes at the sight and opts to go fix himself a cup of tea instead of going to his desk (which is next to Andrew's). This boy is hopeless, Adam mutters to himself.

By time Adam exits the pantry, piping hot tea in tow, Andrew has arrived at the office. Just. Adam doesn't miss the way he looks confusedly at the trespasser at his desk. Adam walks over slowly but stops halfway, close enough to listen in but not close enough to be looped in.

"Um... is this an intervention? I didn't have any pizza at all this week, I swear!" Andrew raises his hands in front of him in surrender. 

"You-... huh?" Steven scratches his head like a confused animal. (Adam stifles a laugh.) "N-no! I got you something!"

"You... got me... something?" A small smile creeps onto Andrew's face and Steven's eyes light up at this. He excitedly takes one step to the side to reveal his gift.

"Ta-da!" Adam facepalms.

Andrew looks... stunned. The two men remain frozen in place for what seems like eternity until Andrew just... laughs. And it's not the normal kind of laughter, mind you, it's a fully-body this-is-the-funniest-thing-ever kind of laughter. Steven joins in awkwardly, a tick of worry in his eyes.

"You got me a responsibility?" Steven looks ready to strike with a counterpoint but Andrew babble on. "You are adorable, Steven, has anyone ever told you that?" Adam, friend of Andrew's for many years, is able to detect the deeply buried tone of condescendence but it slips right by innocent little Steven, as he fucking blushes at the comment. "How am I going to haul this home?" Andrew wonders out loud.

"I can deliver it to your place!" Steven half-shouts, ever ready with an offer for help, but Andrew immediately shoots it down.

"No need, I'll manage. Thanks anyway, for the offer, uh..." Andrew pauses, as if he's forgetting something. "...and for the gift, Steven. Thank you."

"Oh, it's nothing..." Steven says with a level of shyness in his voice that rivals that of a schoolgirl crushing hard on her teacher. Adam facepalms again, this time mentally. "I should get to work. See ya!"

Steven hurries off before Andrew can say anything, there is a spring in his step and Adam doesn't like it. Unfortunately for him, Steven stops right in front of him, a wide grin on his face.

"Thank you so much, Adam!" Steven whispers cheerily.

Adam looks past Steven's shoulder, and Andrew is holding the potted plant up, inspecting it with a look that's somewhere between confused and irritated. He then puts it down and shakes his head, proceeding with his work without a second glance.

Steven's smiling so brightly that Adam can't help but laugh at the irony. Oh man, this boy is hopeless AND clueless. Adam wants to feel sorry for him but frankly, he brings these things upon himself.

"You're welcome," Adam replies and slyly takes a huge sip of his tea. He slides past Steven and make his way to his desk, ready to hear Andrew complain about his brand new 'roommate'.


	3. Step Back

# Chapter 3 - Step Back

Adam did not see this coming. Despite everything logic would dictate, it turns out that Andrew has somewhat of a soft spot in his heart reserved just for Steven. It's so obvious that any random stranger on the street can point it out.

He thinks he's being discrete too, but Adam's tired of watching Andrew make heart eyes at Steven when he thinks the other man isn't looking. When he agreed to join Steven's little 'traveling food show' this isn't what he had in mind, this wasn't in the bloody contract.

Thank all the merciful forces in the world that the show is on hiatus right now, it means that Adam doesn't have to force himself to look at the duo interact when they're all hanging out. Take now for example.

Since they are officially done for the season, Andrew's taking them out to dinner tonight. The entire car ride, Steven was bouncing up and down in the passenger seat, like an overactive can of soda ready to explode. He asked where they were going but Andrew refused to even give a hint beyond telling them to 'dress nice'.

No doubt that this is an attempt at impressing Steven, and Adam's certain that the only reason he is invited along is because Andrew thinks it would be less obvious... It isn't. This is about as subtle as a punch in the face, which is what Adam is considering giving him right now.

They pull into a parking lot behind a nondescript four-stories high brick building, a pretty standard sight in LA. Before the car even comes to a complete stop, Steven's already unbuckling his seatbelt like the overexcited puppy he is. Then he jumps out the door just as Andrew puts the car in park.

"Wow..." Adam can't help but comment on Steven's eagerness, he didn't even mean to say it out loud the way he did. Andrew turns to look at him, a cautiously blank look on his face, and Adam expects some form of lecturing from him. Instead, he says nothing then turns to look at Steven, who is jumping on the spot like a human pogo-stick, with a soft look of affection in his eyes.

"Wow, indeed."

Adam can't- Did he just- Is Andrew... announcing his crush on Steven? Out loud? Adam looks on in disbelief, unsure if what he thought just happened had actually just happened. Andrew appears to have noticed his own mistake too, he freezes in place, posture stiffening noticeably.

"I-I mean, he's got WAY too much energy for-... for this time of the day." Andrew attempts terribly to recover from his not-so-little slip.

Adam pretends to believe that coverup so that Andrew won't implode on himself, he nods and hums in agreement, and Andrew visibly relaxes. A sharp rap on the window captures both men's attention.

"Are we going yet?" Steven's muffled voice expresses the impatience that's also on display in all his features. Andrew laughs an anxious laugh, and exits the vehicle. Adam follows suit.

They trio make their way into the building quietly and without incident. Having said that, there's an odd energy in the air and Adam's sure that at minimum, _something_ is going to happen. They pile into the single, miniature elevator servicing the building and the energy is mounting up to something big.

When the elevator doors open, Andrew quickly steps out ahead of them and turns around. He throws his right hand out in a sweeping gesture and it ends with him pointing off to the side. Both Adam and Steven, once out of the elevator, turns to look at what he's pointing at.

"Ta-da."

Steven's eye widen, Adam can almost feel himself do the same. Unlike the rest of the building, this restaurant is the epitome of elegant luxury in the most excessive sense. The walls are marbled, there are Greek-inspired columns and gold trims on everything. The decor is outright art, the sort you would be afraid to even touch because you don't want to empty your bank account.

"Woah... this place is fan-cy..." Steven is basically drooling at this point.

Adam immediately knows what he wants to say. The words are floating impatiently in his mind. It's bad, he shouldn't say it, but when else is he going to get another opening like this? He has seconds left to take the opportunity.

He takes it.

"Fancy enough to bring your girlfriend?" Steven looks surprised for a moment, then nods fervently in response.

"Oh, definitely. She'll love it."

Andrew's face falls, for only a split second but Adam caught it. He then rearranges his features to feign indifference, to a respectable effect. Not that it matters since Steven is still too enthralled by his surroundings to even notice.

 _"He has a girlfriend,"_ Andrew mouths silently to Steven's turned back. Unfortunately for him, Steven swivels round in the middle of that sentence. There's that _something_.

"What? I didn't catch that." Steven is looking over so earnestly that Adam feels his own body tense up from all the second-hand embarrassment he's getting from Andrew. It's nothing short of a miracle that Andrew himself doesn't respond in that same way.

"You have a girlfriend?" Andrew asks in his usual monotone. Adam often forgets how good his friend can be at concealing his emotions. Sure, he fumbles sometimes (especially around Steven) but his acting skills are truly Oscar-worthy.

Steven glares at him, as if Andrew just insulted his entire family. Maybe he accidentally did, Adam isn't completely sure how Steven's brain functions.

"Don't act so surprised!" Steven huffs, crossing his arms.

"I just... didn't expect it, that's all." Andrew crosses his own arms in reflection. Adam's eyes dart back and forth between the two men standing in front of him, wondering if a second _something_ is going to occur. Sadly, Steven simply turns on his heels and walks towards the host.

"Rude," Steven mumbles to himself, the tiniest sign of a smile playing on his lips.

For the rest of the night, Andrew's extremely withdrawn and closed off, even more so than usual. He refuses to give anyone but the waiter eye contact. But when Steven gets up to go to the restroom, Andrew's eyes follow him all the way. There is a look of sadness and yearning on his face that doesn't fade away even when Steven is completely out of sight.

Adam mutters under his breath, quiet enough so Andrew doesn't hear it even though he really should.

_"Give up already."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read ['The Cruelest Way'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275490/), go give it a look as beginning with the next chapter, the storylines will intersect.


	4. Long Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read ['The Cruelest Way'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275490/), go give it a look first as beginning with this chapter, the storylines will intersect.

# Chapter 4 - Long Gone

Steven's upset, and although Adam is far from his biggest fan... it's still something unsettling to see. To make matters worse, it's not just today, this has been going on for quite a while now. He claims that he's just nervous about his big move but who does he think he's kidding?

The silver lining is that once Steven's gone, Andrew will have his time freed up again. Actually, it's already begun. Slowly but surely, Andrew started crawling back into Adam's social space, away from Steven.

Ever since Worth It became a thing, Adam's standing with Andrew has been out of whack. They no longer went out to lunch together (unless it was being filmed), nor do they meet up outside of work hours. Hell, Andrew would much rather be texting Steven even when Adam's right in front of him trying to engage him in a conversation. Despite sharing a desk, they almost never talk anymore beyond simple greetings. It's about time things went back to the way it was. The way it's supposed to be.

But the funny thing is... Adam manages to surprise himself by being at the airport, sending Steven off. He rationalizes that it's only because he wants to make sure that Steven actually boards the plane and actually leaves, and not turn around and change his mind. But what's more surprising to Adam however, is the notable absence of a certain Andrew Ilnyckyj.

Not that he wants Andrew here, no. His intentions are up to the point where he's pretending to message and call Andrew just to shut Jen up. They're the only ones here since the flight is in the wee hours of the early morning and it's a work day. The rest of their friends already said their farewells last night at the dinner they arranged just for Steven.

Andrew wasn't there for that either.

Okay, maybe he should call for real this time... just to make sure Andrew's not lying face down in a ditch or anything.

"I gotta go pee," Steven announces as they pass by a washroom sign. Jen flashes a thumbs-up and Steven breaks away from the group. Yeah, this is a good time to call. Adam taps on Andrew's name on the screen and brings his phone up to his ear.

The ringing noise is dragging on for far too long, and Adam's starting to think that he's gonna get the voicemail robot when Andrew's voice pushes through the speaker.

"Hey..." He sounds half-dead and not at all in the mood to talk. Well too bad for him since Adam's gonna make him anyway.

"Why aren't you here?" Adam jumps straight to the point, no time to waste here. There's the sound of fabric ruffling and then dead silence. Then even more silence, and Adam wants to hang up already.

"Something came up," Andrew finally answers. There's a slight waver in his voice and Adam knows that he's definitely lying. "Something important."

But what is he supposed to say to that? Call him out? Lecture him on his no-showing? None of those things are going to improve matters, so Adam bypasses all of them.

"Okay," is all he says in response. Then Adam cuts the line before he had the chance to change his mind. Just in time too, Steven is back from his little toilet break. He's looking expectant, probably hoping that Andrew has shown up or is about to. Adam almost feels bad.

Maybe he can pretend that the call didn't happen... shit, right, Jen's here and witnessed the entire thing. That's a no-go then. Jen starts to speak but Adam cuts her off.

"I finally got through to Andrew..." Steven's face lights up immediately at the mention of Andrew's name but he's clearly keeping his hopes low. It's a good thing, considering what Adam's about to say. "Really? Where-"

"He, uh... forgot about... this." With every word Steven's eyes descend further and further down to where they now rest, staring straight down at the floor.

"What?!" Beside Adam, Jen is obviously (and rightly) furious at the very concept that Andrew could forget something this important. But if Steven felt even a fraction of the anger that Jen is flaunting, he doesn't show it.

"Oh." His words ring hollow, as if his soul has left the building. The disappointment must be crushing but Adam's stupid mouth can't stop adding to the weight.

"I don't think he cares enough." Adam can see Jen's jaw dropping out of the corners of his eyes, but there's no observable change in Steven. He remains so perfectly silent that it may be possible that he didn't hear Adam.

Jen's pushing the baggage cart ahead, fuming, the two men quietly follow behind. As they approach the departure hall entrance, Steven suddenly stops.

"...maybe you're right, he doesn't care enough." Steven's evidently trying his best not to cry, his fists are clenched tight, his knuckles turning white.

"Steven..." Jen reaches out to hug him from the side. Steven's looking straight ahead at the crowds trekking back and forth the busy hall, his body is stiff and still. Jen whips her head around to glare. _"ADAM!"_ She exaggeratedly mouths at him. Adam just shrugs, what he said is true after all. No lies there.

But if there's ever a moment that Adam can point to when someone asks him why he's in hell... this would probably be it.

Steven reaches up to rest one of his hands on Jen's, squeezing gently, his body loosens up and he kinda slouches in dejection. He smiles at Jen, and at Adam but it's fake and mechanical, put on purely for the sake of it.

"Thank you but... I'll be okay." Steven slowly slides out of Jen's embrace and she frowns, worried. He takes control of the baggage cart and slowly pushes onwards, moving past the sliding doors, the security, and the lines of shops hoping to earn some last minute bucks.

The duo watch on in silence as Steven merges in with the waves of people, too far to be discerned from the silhouettes that surround him.

And there he goes, Steven Lim is off to take up the amazing job he so painstakingly earned and so undeniably deserves.

...or so he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, this takes place right after the prologue of ['The Cruelest Way'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275490).


	5. Moved On

# Chapter 5 - Moved On

Andrew is a dumbass, but that's not the point. The harsh lights of the hospital ward prickles Adam's eyes, but that's not the reason he's blinking so much. He's worried about Andrew, but that's not why he's here.

Adam is under no illusion that this isn't his fault.

It's barely been a week since Steven moved to New York and already... this.

Andrew's been acting... weird, but that's not a new development. He's been this way for weeks now. Adam knew that he's been pining after Steven just that he didn't know it'd last this long. Maybe he miscalculated.

Before, if you had asked Adam if he thought Andrew was in love with Steven, he'd say that 'love' is too strong a word. Now, he's not so sure. In all the years he's known Andrew, Adam's never seen him like this.

The Andrew he knows doesn't get drunk on the job. The Andrew he knows doesn't sneak off to the prop closet to cry, thinking nobody noticed. The Andrew he knows wouldn't attempt to cross a street at a red light even when everyone else around him was doing it.

This is so unlike him. People online might not think twice if they saw how he behaved the last couple of weeks but that's only because of the character he puts on for videos, he's nothing like that in real life. Andrew always had his emotions in check, especially the negative ones. As a matter of fact, most people would describe him as cheeky but chill. Which is why everyone in the office noticed... this.

Nobody can deny how close of friends Andrew and Steven are (were?), not even Adam himself. But at the same time, they all expected Steven to be the one who would be struggling with the separation, not Andrew. Not that they would know if Steven is having issues in New York, nobody has heard much from him. He's fine though and doing pretty good at his new job, and as far as Adam knows, the two haven't spoken since Steven left.

Adam wonders who is to be blamed for that...

The fluorescent lights make Andrew look almost paper-white, only a mere fraction of a shade darker than the bandages he's been wrapped in. Lying still in the bed, he actually looks more resilient and sturdy than earlier in the office. There's no indication of any tension or sadness on his features, he almost looks... serene. And Adam's almost fooled.

The doctor had said that Andrew's condition is stable and his injuries are neither life-threatening nor permanent. Thank god. Adam wouldn't be able to live it down if something... _something_ had happened to his best friend, if he can still call him that.

Adam gets up from the stiff, uncomfortable chair that he's been in ever since he entered the room. Walking right up to side of the bed, Adam lightly rests a hand on Andrew's shoulder, mindful of the few wires and tubes connected to him. He's still has come to, it's been hours.

"I'm sorry, Andrew..."

There's an overwhelming feeling washing over him, and Adam finds that he needs to leave the room. He quietly steps outside and although the air is just as still as inside, he feels like he can breathe better out here.

It's just one of those things that you never though would happen to you, y'know? You always see these stories about people watching their loved ones getting dragged off by vehicles but... 

Adam shudders when the image resurfaces in his mind. He probably will start having nightmares about this. And then there's the fact that the damn driver got away too! Fucking hell. Does the universe have to be this unfair? Andrew did nothing wrong.

A soft feminine voice interrupts his thoughts.

"Mr. Bianchi?" There's a nurse standing there, hugging a clipboard close to her chest, her eyes wide. She must be new. Adam wants to shoo her away but she might have something important to tell him, so he doesn't.

"Yes?" Adam tries not to sound too impatient, not that it's difficult to. He's been told his voice could soothe a raging bull. The nurse lowers the clipboard a little to read from it.

"You are here for Mr..." She pauses and scrunches her face. Adam lets out a dry, humorless laugh, he's far too used to this.

"Ilnyckyj."

"Ah yes, Mr. Ilnyckyj. We just wanted to know if you would like us to reach out to his emergency contacts?" Adam tilts his head to the side, confused. Don't they normally just go ahead and call them without asking? Hmm, maybe not. But one thing he's certain is that he's on the list, Andrew told him so... years ago.

"I'm one of them, I think." The nurse starts quickly flipping through the pages, searching for the information. Her eyes scan the page then stops at one particular corner. She taps the paper a few times with her index finger, nodding.

"Yes indeed, you and... Mr. Steven Lim."

Now that's a name Adam hasn't heard out loud in a while, even though Steven is constantly on his mind, haunting him for god-knows-what reasons. If it weren't reminders like these, Adam can almost pretend that Steven's just a fictional character he made up. Some sort of metaphorical demon that Adam can't let go of.

But now it seems like Adam's got to face reality.

"Oh, he's moved out of the state, uh... You know what? I think it's better if I called him myself." There's not a single lie in his words, but Adam's still feels nervous. It's not like the nurse would know either.

"Alright then. I will come back later with some of the... paperwork." She gestures vaguely in the air.

"Ah, okay... I'll be here."

"Okay. Thank you, Mr. Bianchi." The nurse give a small nod and takes her leave. Leaving Adam to fight his own thoughts again.

"Yeah, thanks..." Adam says to the air. She was unnecessarily polite, he thinks. But that's the least of his concerns right now, he's simply stalling. He puts his hand over his pocket, tracing the outline of his phone with his fingers. He doesn't want to do this.

Adam wants to use his regular excuse, that he's trying to stop Andrew from getting his heart broken. But that line is getting old, even Adam doesn't buy it anymore. Steven has a right now. Or does he? Not legally, no... but-

That unnerving feeling comes creeping in again. Let's just get this over and done with. Adam slides his phone out. Gripping it with both hands he opens up the messaging app and taps on Steven's name. His thumbs hover over the screen. What should he say?

He decides to just go with the first things that come to mind. The twin digits start swooping down onto the glass, like predator birds going in for the kill. Seconds later, they stop, satisfied with the outcome of their hunt. Adam rereads the message he drafted out, trying to see if he can phrase it better.

'Don't freak out... Andrew's been hospitalized but it's nothing serious, nothing life threatening...'

The words look as stupid on his phone's screen as they had sounded in his head but his right thumb remains hovering on the 'send' button. If he does send it, Steven will no doubt come flying back to LA. Andrew will be happy to see him, right? Would he?

Or is it just going to be another reminder that Steven has moved on with his life? That he's on to bigger, better things. Would he think of Andrew as a step back? Adam's head is spinning with questions. There are so many ways this could go.

There's also the option of not having to deal with any of that all. Fuck, he's already playing the bad guy... might as well see it through.

Adam deletes what he typed out and switches his phone off. His guilt can get fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, this takes place between Chapter 1 and 2 of ['The Cruelest Way'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275490).


	6. Without Me

"New York is really something."

Steven is looking through his clear umbrella and up at the skyline in wonder. It's very apparent to Adam how much Steven loves it here. He thinks maybe he did make the right choice.

Andrew still walks with a slight limp, which gets more and more pronounced the more time he spends on his feet. Maybe it's just the guilt speaking, but Adam's heart breaks a little with each wobbly step that Andrew takes. It is another one of the lingering reminders of all the bad he has done, the most prominent one.

But at least Andrew's alive and well.

"Would you call it the best decision you ever made?" Adam asks Steven with as much cheer as he could muster, trying to mask his low mood. Perhaps he put a little too much enthusiasm in it, he sounds a lot like a car salesman to himself.

"It's up there," Steven replies. He skips down the sidewalk for a little bit, happiness overflowing. He's stepping on puddles without a care. Adam wishes he could be as carefree as Steven. 

The cheerful display comes to a halt as Steven stops in his tracks entirely. He's standing in front of a furniture store with a thoughtful look on his face. Andrew wasn't paying attention and almost runs right into him. 

"I wanna look at some furniture!" Steven announces at the top of his voice, he gives Adam a quick meaningful glance before bouncing towards the entrance. "Let's go."

What was that about? Adam's just sort of standing there making weird confused faces before he notices Andrew hobbling towards the door. Oh. It's to get Andrew to rest.

Adam follows behind him and steps into the store, he picks up Steven's umbrella which had thrown onto the floor in his excitement. What's he so excited about anyway? Andrew slowly makes his way towards living room section, and drops onto one of the leather armchairs.

"He's doing this for you," Adam explains as he takes a seat on the right arm of the chair. He puts the umbrellas next to him against the chair, alongside Andrew's. He takes a look at Andrew's face, which is lacking any sort of surprise. "...but you already knew that."

"Yeah, no shit." Andrew huffs out a condescending laugh.

"You love him," Adam suddenly finds himself blurting out. There's a trailing silence and the energy in this little bubble is starting to get a little uncomfortably awkward. Maybe Adam shouldn't have said that. After what feels like hours, Andrew finally speaks.

"He doesn't need to know that." Oh, really? Adam almost wants to give him a nice face-bound high five. If Steven knew, they probably wouldn't even be in this situation right now. Even though Adam cannot guarantee Steven's love, there's no way he can deny that there's something going on between those two. Something that's threatening to spill over the very edge of platonic. Why are they both so blind to it?

"Like how he doesn't need to know you're now a raging alcoholic?" Okay, that's not exactly a fair statement. While Andrew did start drinking at work (it only lasted one day, as far as Adam knows) and his apartment was littered with empty beer cans the last time he dropped by... Adam thinks (he's not completely sure) that Andrew can still function fine without alcohol.

Adam suddenly has a plan on how to fix things (or at least, try to), he gets up and walks towards Steven. Andrew's stuttering something but Adam doesn't hear it. Steven's happily yakking away with one of the store employees, some dude-bro-looking guy who seems equally happy to be in the conversation.

"Steven." Adam taps him on the shoulder, he swivels around with a ridiculous-looking table lamp in his hands. The man Steven was talking to suddenly stops mid-sentence and is looking somewhat offended. Adam wants to flip him off. "You need to go talk to Andrew."

"Huh? Why...? What's wrong?" The employee is darting his gaze between the two of them, and although it probably won't matter in the grand scheme of things, Adam tugs on Steven's arm to pull him away and off to the side. Steven struggled a little as he handed the lamp back to the sales guy, who is now visually following them with his beady little eyes, still clutching that damned lamp in his arms.

"Just-... just talk to him." Steven's looking fake-confused. He has to know what Adam is talking about, there's no way he is _that_ dense. Adam intensifies his serious face, trying to win this invisible tug-of-war. Steven finally sighs, running a hand up and down the side of his other arm, he shakes his head as he replies.

"Adam. Andrew and I are not as close as you think we are." Steven's voice is low and slightly shaky, as if he's saying something that he doesn't want to admit. "You two have known each other for so much longer..." Steven stops to look sadly at Adam, he merely flicks his head upwards to signal him to continue. "...I think he would much rather talk to you."

That's... that's the same misconception that Adam had. The thing is, he had given it a go, trying to get Andrew to open up even before Steven moved. And he tried even harder after the accident but still to no avail. 

"No, I did what I could. Trust me, it has to be you, Steven." Steven is slowly accepting the idea and Adam can see the determination building in his eyes. He is nodding his head with increasing intensity, mentally prepping himself for the task.

"Okay... I'll go talk to him..." Adam returns a supportive nod of his own.

"Go, I have some errands to run." The instant Adam walks away, the employee from earlier (who had been hovering around during the entire conversation) makes a beeline for Steven, weird lamp in tow. This time, however, he brought a 'friend'. Retail vultures. Adam shakes his head in disgust.

As Adam passes Andrew on the way out, he can't help but notice the vacant look in his eyes. Adam silently makes his way over to him and picks up his umbrella, which is resting against the side of the chair, right in-between Steven's clear parasol and Andrew's shadowy black one. Strangely enough, Andrew doesn't even acknowledge his presence. Oh well, Adam simply takes his leave.

In hindsight, that wasn't much of a plan. 'Get Steven to talk to Andrew', wow... what an elaborate scheme, slow claps all around. Whatever, Adam tried. If this works, it doesn't matter how stupid it sounds.

Once outside, Adam throws another look back at the store, Steven is now slowly walking over to where Andrew's sat. He fervently hopes that all goes well between them. He knows this will likely make Andrew a little uncomfortable but Adam makes no apologies for it, all three of them will benefit from this.

 _"You'll thank me later."_ Adam mouths to no one before wandering off. He doesn't even make it to the next block before a vibration in his pocket stops him.

Someone's calling his phone. He checks the caller and immediately groans, and as much as he does not want to... Adam picks up the call. There's a muffled shuffling noise on the other end before a deep voice comes through.

"Adaaam... How's my favourite big brother doing?" There it is, that damn voice he had so narrowly managed to avoid the entire trip. Knowing damn well that his brother can't see him, Adam rolls his eyes so hard that they almost got stuck.

" _Half_ -brother. Cut to the chase." Even when he's trying to sound snappy, Adam's voice still gives off the impression that he's a little child stuck in an adult body. Which only pisses him off further.

"Okay! Geez Louise, wouldn't kill you to say something nice for a change." Adam supposes he can afford to be a tad more civil, they are family after all. "Joe's just wondering if you'll be in town next week for mum's birthday."

"Yeah, of course. Didn't I already tell him that?" That's a rhetorical question, Adam knows for sure that he did... three fucking times.

"I dunno... Doesn't look like it." If Adam could have any superpower, he would like to have the ability to reach through his phone and strangle people. That would solve so many problems. He could even potentially bring about world peace. Too bad this is the real world, so he will just have to use his words.

"Well, tell your dad to get his fucking shit together." There's an exasperated noise on the line, followed by a heavy sigh.

"I won't. You do realise I ain't mental like you?"

"No, that would imply you have a brain," Adam quips, secretly delighted by his own wit. He's actually quite proud of that line. His brother isn't quite as enthused.

"Yeah, cheers man."

"...and tell mom I said 'hi'." Adam tries to quickly round up the call, if this dragged on any further he may end up committing fratricide. Not that Adam actually hates him but there's just something about him that-... To be completely honest, Adam cannot really explain why he treats his brother this way.

" _That_ I will do, see ya next week?"

"Actually..." Adam takes one more glance at the furniture store in the distance, as if it had answers written on the glass of its display windows. Steven and Andrew might head back to the apartment later and they might need more time, wouldn't be good for Adam to burst through the door and interrupt some very important moment... "I'm in New York right now, wanna go grab drinks?"

"No kidding!" He can almost see his brother's face lighting up in glee. "Yeah, bruv. I'm always down to get sloshed. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I'd have gone pick you up at the airport."

"Wasn't gonna risk that. So... Cecil's?" It's a bar that they often visited to when Adam dropped by (which isn't often), it's also his brother's absolute favorite. Adam supposes he kind of likes it too, not that he'd ever admit it.

"You bet. You still owe me a big one, by the way..."

Adam was hoping that he would forget that, though it was pretty much impossible considering how big a favor it was. Internally grumbling, Adam swings his umbrella around like a sword to get the frustration out, he already knows what his brother is going to ask so might as well just get straight to the point.

"I'll foot your bill, don't worry." There's a squeal on the other end, and the sheer delight that exuding from his voice is impossible to miss.

"You're the best, Adam!"

He really isn't.

Adam takes that as a signal to end the call, so he does. Well, the bar isn't far from here but it is in the other direction, so he will have to pass by the furniture store again. Maybe he can peek to see if Steven made any progress. When he actually makes it back to the storefront, Adam has a mild surprise. Looks like there's no way to find out early if his plan worked out.

Steven and Andrew are long gone. As a matter of fact, the store is completely empty now apart from the employees, who have begun packing up. Some of the lights have already been switched off. An odd sense of disturbance is creeping up on Adam. There's something wrong, something here isn't right but he can't quite put his finger on it. He gives the store another once-over. No? Everything looks fine. What could be wrong? Those two are probably on their way back to the apartment already. Adam pushes down the worry, he starts to walk off. Then he sees it.

Right there, leaning against the armchair, are two umbrellas...

...one clear, one black. 

This can't be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, this chapter takes place concurrently with [Chapter 3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275490/chapters/35835765) of ['The Cruelest Way'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275490).


End file.
